Of Dragons and Dragonslayers
by Omega Overlord
Summary: ONESHOT; Major crack pairing for everyone's least favorite friend. Galanoth is acting oddly, and his actions are odder still. Jake once again finds himself messing with other people's romances.


Disclaimer: I do not own any actual characters of Artix Entertainment portrayed within.

Jake was sitting in his foyer, watching the fish in the aquarium. After the excitement of his plan to get Artix and Vayle to settle their differences (which worked so well the two had actually started to do their business right in front of everyone, Ash was still traumatized) there had been nothing going on. Much like the start of his heroing career.

He started talking to himself, "I guess I could always go and race Valencia around Lore again… no… she lost so bad last time she vowed to never race me again. I went to every hot spot around Lore before she even got through one… maybe the dunelord has recovered since the last time Bruno and I kicked its butt…"

From behind two slender hands cover his eyes, "guess who!"

He breathed in the strong scent of cinnamon, "I don't know… could it be… Robina?"

There was a girlish giggle and he was turned around and pulled into a hug, "you're still bored? I though Bruno had some things he wanted to do."

Jake smiled and kissed his wife, "oh he did, and none of them involve me. I think he was flying out to the plasma dragon caldera last time I saw him."

Teresa giggles again, "Well he's popular isn't he?"

Jake rolled his eyes, "With the female dragons anyway. Those plasma dragons in particular like him because of the time Bruno and I kicked Drakonnan's burning rear. The ice dragons still hate him though."

Teresa takes a step back, "didn't I help you melt their queen?"

Jake smirks, "yes you did, and she was one sorry looking ice elf/dragon queen."

Teresa laughs and starts to load up a bag, "I'm sure."

Jake watches her pack, "…where are you going?"

Teresa looks up at him with a little surprise, "I didn't tell you?"

Jake wracks his brain, "ah… No…"

Teresa slings the bag over her shoulder and picks up her Chaos Moon Staff IV, "Vayle helped me convince Xan to teach me pyromancy, if you keep getting better I have to keep up."

Jake gives his wife a look, "you're going to be learning from flame brain? Please tell me you aren't going to come home on fire all the time."

Teresa buckles her cape around her neck, "trust me, if I start to burn for long periods of time I will stop learning from Xan. You worry too much."

Jake laughs and tousles her hair, "hey that's my job, and hey, at least I'll be warm every night!"

Teresa walks out the door after blowing Jake a kiss.

Jake smiles and waves… until the door shuts and his smile fades away into a frown, "great… what now???"

Jake walks over to his map of Lore…

Then it hits him, "of course! I haven't been to Dragsvard in months! Galanoth probably needs help with the ice dragons by now!"

As Jake ran for his closet to gather his dragonslayer armor he wondered how Galanoth had lasted as long as he had against the dragons. To put it plainly… Galanoth sucked, horribly.

Jake took a griffon to Dragsvard after leaving a note for Bruno, 'gone to Dragsvard. Follow please.' Several questions into Galanoth's whereabouts revealed that he had vanished into the snowfields just hours before Jake had arrived. Jake waited where Galanoth had always waited and lost himself in the chilly memories he had had here. Fighting Aisha… training his dragonslayer armor by bribing Chance the ice dragon… more fighting Aisha… his quest for the frozen claymore… still more fighting Aisha… and kicking Aisha's butt as a titan. After a while Jake started to notice a theme in the happy memories…

Jake finally noticed Galanoth's distinctive, cracked dragon mask making its way to him from the frozen wastes. The only noticeable difference was the addition of a long, straight scar down the center of the mask. When Galanoth got closer Jake noticed something wrong with the usual picture of the diehard dragonslayer, something bright, gaudy, and colorful.

Disbelief filled Jake's voice, "Galanoth… are those… flowers??????"

Something was different about Galanoth's voice to, "yeah…"

Jake stared at the dragonslayer, "… ok… I'm hoping those are for a special someone?"

Galanoth's voice becomes slightly indignant, "well yeah. I don't pick flowers unless there's a reason."

Jake gives a sigh of relief, "well that's good… was worried about your mental state for a moment. Can I meet her?"

Galanoth hesitates, "…I guess… follow me."

Jake follows Galanoth out into the tundra with a small amount of worry. Wondering who out in the wasteland of ice could have caught Galanoth's affection (assuming the dragonslayer had affection to give). Was the female a hermit? Jake continued to follow without really paying attention to where Galanoth was leading, this continued until Jake walked into the back of Galanoth. Who had stopped by a familiar wall of snow and was holding up a shimat.

Jake watched the portal open to the ice elf castle, "… ok… so you're dating an ice elf… that's cool." Jake stopped for a moment to congratulate himself on yet another effortless pun.

Galanoth gave Jake a look (what kind of look it was Jake didn't know, what with the guy always hidden by the mask), "you… could say that."

Jake unlimbers his DOOM weapon as they walk in, "'you could say that'? What? Is she giving you the cold shoulder?"

Galanoth gives Jake a look that was unmistakably a glare, "do you EVER stop making puns?"

Jake eyes some of the ice elf women as they both walk by (wondering to himself which one Galanoth was in to), "only when I'm out cold!"

Galanoth leads Jake by several pairs of ice dragons (who all give Jake a glare as he walks by) and stops right in front of the castle proper.

Jake teases Galanoth, "oooh, so she's nobility? Galanoth's moving up in the world huh?!"

Galanoth does not deign to respond. The dragonslayer shows a piece of paper to one of the guards and both part to let Galanoth pass. Jake starts to wander around while waiting for Galanoth to bring his 'date' out of the castle when he spots a familiar face.

Jake gives a shout, "Gary!!! Over here!"

Quite possibly the worst ice elf soldier ever slips over to Jake, "what are you doing here again?"

Jake scratches his head, "I really don't know… Galanoth brought me here so I could meet his new girlfriend…"

Gary looks at Jake like one would look at a doomed man, "you really don't know who Galanoth is seeing?"

Suspicion creeps into Jake's voice, "no… is she someone I should be worried about?"

Gary laughs, "I think she's someone you are already worried about!"

With those cryptic words Gary vanishes into the crowd. Jake went over in his mind every ice elf female he had ever fought… the list was empty. Who in hell could Galanoth be seeing??? Jake passes the time until Galanoth emerges by taunting the ice dragon guards who, irritatingly, are able to bury their anger and not lash out at a bored hero. Jake notices a commotion over by the castle gates so makes his way over to see what it was. Galanoth was walking out of the castle leading by the arm……… NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jake rubbed his eyes to make sure he was seeing clearly, the scene in front of him did not change. Aisha, the half-dragon queen of the ice elves, was being led from the castle on Galanoth's arm. Frost queen didn't look too happy about it but still, she was half-DRAGON!!! Galanoth hated dragons with a vengeance!!! Why in hell would he be dating Aisha?!?!?!?!?

Jake slowly walked over to Galanoth, "this is some kind of sick joke right? You aren't seriously dating the ice queen are you?"

Galanoth shook his head, "no joke, I am… Right Aisha?"

Aisha looked over and replied somewhat absently, "uh… right."

Jake's mouth drops open and stays that way, "ok… look, half-dragon plus dragonslayer. I see only a couple doomed to fail."

On Jake's back his axe starts to yell, "DOOM??? Who said DOOM? Only I say DOOM!!!"

Jake grabs the weapon, "shut up, I wasn't talking to you."

Jake slings the axe over his back again and turns to Aisha, "what the hell did you do to Galanoth?!?"

Aisha glares at Jake for a moment before shooting a look over the warrior's shoulder and taking a large step backwards. Jake turns around and sees that Bruno had landed in the courtyard.

The dark dragon lowers his tri-horned head down to Jake's level, "I hate to interrupt but Togzilla is invading again, the village needs our help."

Jake curses as he climbs onto Bruno's back, "of all the times… Aisha, when I get back I'm going to find out what you did to Galanoth, one way or another."

As Bruno takes off Jake hears Aisha grumble, "I didn't do anything to this crazy man. If I had any choice I wouldn't be within a mile of him."

After crushing Togzilla once again Jake decides to take Aisha at her word. That left one person that would dare mess with one of Jake's friends, Sepulchure. After picking up his Bos Tauros axe from home Jake hitches a ride on a griffon to the crashed ruin of the flying fortress that the evil one had used as a command quarters. The guy still clung to the last scraps of power he had in the ruins. As did Drakath.

Jake kicked open the door, "Sepulchure!!! Get out here!!! I got a bone to pick with you!"

There was a girlish scream and Drakath starts to run down one of the hallways. Jake smirks and rushes after the idiot, crashing through the skeletons in the way. Drakath runs straight to where Sepulchure was hiding without so much as a slight distraction.

Sepulchure was standing on a makeshift throne when Jake charged in, "Drakath… when Jake is gone remind me to kill you."

Jake points his giant axe at Sepulchure, "when I'm gone remind yourself not to mess with my friends. What did you do to Galanoth?"

Sepulchure starts to whine, "I did nothing! I only hit him on the head when he caught me stealing dragonsbane!"

Jake claps a hand to his forehead, "do you have any idea what that 'hit on the head' has done to Galanoth? He's dating an ice dragon!"

Sepulchure then makes a big mistake and starts laughing, "all the better for me then! Now I'll be able to get the dragonsbane to poison Bruno!"

Jake gets an evil grin and pulls out Artix's axe, "you villains really need to stop broadcasting your plans you know?"

From outside the skeletons cowered in fear from the screams of their masters, and Jake's maniacal laughter.

Bruno flew Jake back to Dragsvard during the night where Jake proceeds to spy on Galanoth and Aisha as the dragonslayer drags the dragon queen around the frozen north. As crazy as the pair was Galanoth was quite clearly… happy. Which boggled Jake's mind. When Demento died… Galanoth had flown off the handle and automatically started killing the fire dragons that were around. Him being happy with a dragon… was inconceivable! As happy as Galanoth was he clearly was the only one of the pair actually enjoying themselves. Aisha was clearly not interested, in any way, in Galanoth. Jake found himself in a moral conundrum; he could tell Galanoth that Aisha wasn't interested and break his friend's heart or… he could find some way to sway Aisha's opinion of the dragonslayer. Jake heard Galanoth laughing over the hill that stood between the watcher and the couple… for the first time since the death of Demento. Jake made up his mind, Aisha's heart was going to melt for Galanoth… one way or another. Shortly thereafter Jake realized he was starting to get in the habit of solving the romantic issues of the people around him… which was kind of creepy.

Jake made two quick stops before returning to Dragsvard. When Jake returned Galanoth was just leaving Aisha at the gate to the ice elf lair, which was perfect for the plan. Galanoth almost skipped around the corner and Jake gave the 'go ahead' to Xan. The pyro freak had laughed so hard when Jake had outlined his plan that Xan's head had literally fallen off. Xan directed an uber enhanced version of a Sunwarrior down to attack Aisha. Of course, with as angry as Aisha was over her 'date' with Galanoth, Aisha pulled no punches and immediately turned into her dragon self. When Aisha lunged and bit the Sunwarrior however she got nothing but a mouthful of pure dragonsbane. As Aisha fought on Xan slowly drained the power from the uber Sunwarrior until Aisha was back in her elf form and kneeling before the giant fire beast. As the Sunwarrior lifted it's exhausted arms to deliver a finishing blow Galanoth dove in and took the hit for Aisha. The dragonslayer then unleashed a frenzy of sword slashes that was sufficient to extinguish the fire beast.

Jake and Xan peek over the mound of snow that they were both hiding behind, "if that doesn't do the job nothing will."

Galanoth goes over to Aisha's limp form and drags her into a kiss… the ice dragon doesn't resist in the slightest.

Jake starts to do a fist pump but Xan stops him, "later" says the pyro, "after we are gone".

On the far side of the glacier Xan departs in a blast of fire while Jake relaxes against Bruno with Teresa lying in his lap.

Jake gives a sigh of contentment, "and yet another blazingly successful intervention if I do say so."

Teresa was now wearing robes similar to Xan's own wardrobe, "with my help, and Xan."

Jake looks down at her, "well duh, you didn't think I forgot that did you? I do have one question for you though… how did you convince Xan to teach you?"

Teresa cuddles closer, getting steadily warmer as she does, "I just gave him the pyronomicon back."

It takes a moment to sink into Jake's head what his wife had just said, "oh that's nice… WHAT!!!!!!!!!"

Quest Completed


End file.
